


Welcome to Mirkwood!

by SpiteMeister



Series: All Things Mirkwood [1]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Amon Lanc, Dol Goldur, Field Guide, Flora and Fauna, Gen, Humor, Other, Southern Mirkwood, Spiders, prompt fills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiteMeister/pseuds/SpiteMeister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of stories cataloging the strange things to be found in Mirkwood! As told by different characters, starring: The Amon Lanc Publishing House, Radagast the Brown, Tauriel, and many others!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Mirkwood!

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/9471.html?thread=20767743#t20767743
> 
> There will be many more to come.
> 
> Also, Spiders. There is no archive warning for Spiders.

Thank you for purchasing _The Southern Mirkwood Field Guide: Amon Lanc Edition_! Our publisher would like to thank you as well for supporting this local business, and hopes you have a wonderful time vacationing in the area. If you stick around long enough, he says, you will discover why he has been called “Lord of Gifts.” No! Really! They totally used to call him that. He has this really awesome jewelry he likes to hand out to random strangers.

Anyway. On to the field guide!

**Getting Started**

Unfortunately, due to cutbacks in the budget at the publishing house (we're saving up for something special), this first edition can provide no illustrations. That's usually the point of field guides, but we feel confident in our ability to accurately describe with words the wonders you shall encounter on your adventure.

In regards to the layout of this field guide, we shall start with a basic overview of the area – as it is now – and will provide references to the history for your own further study. We assume that you are using this field guide in tandem with _The Southern Mirkwood Path Guide: Amon Lanc Edition_ (sold separately), and so we will talk you on your way through the woods. The first section after “The Basics” will deal with the types of trees you will find in the area; the section after that will discuss the so-called “Lesser Plants”; the very last (and least) section will cover the animals.

**The Basics**

Amon Lanc is a dormant volcano, with the last eruption occurring some time in the Second Age. This has left large swaths of Rhovanion (the region in which Mirkwood is situated) with soil rich in nutrients to support a diverse community of flora and fauna. The biome of Mirkwood, as a whole, may be classified as a Temperate Deciduous Forest, which means that the winters can be cold (but not overly so), and the summers mild and nice. The “deciduous forest” refers to the abundance of trees whose leaves fall in the autumn.

Over the years, many of the natural aquifers have dried up, along with springs and rivers. There is no potable water in this region, so we hope you thought to bring your own.

You may be wondering where all the trees are, though. Yes, we understand that Amon Lanc earned its name for the fact that there are no trees in this Temperate Deciduous Forest. However! Do not give up hope just yet! If you continue on past that old fortress, you will come to some truly exciting areas. And that fortress there? Pay it no mind. That's just our publishing house. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Go on.

**Trees of Amon Lanc Region**

Due to a number of _totally natural causes_ , the area of Amon Lanc is occupied by many dead trees: the technical term for a dead tree standing is “snag.” What a lovely name, don't you agree? It just rolls off the tongue; ssssssssssnnnnaaaaaaag. Snags are very important for the ecosystem, as they provide shelter for many many many animals. These include, but are not limited to, birds. However, since it's mating season for them, we recommend that you _do not look inside the snags._ We don't care what season you're visiting them in: it's always mating season for those crazy birds. Seriously! They are always at it. We here at the Amon Lanc Publishing House have a saying: If the snag is a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'.

In any case, we can tell you what those snags used to be. A long long long time ago, all of Southern Mirkwood was forested by locust trees (yes yes, we know it's only native to North America), chestnut, fir, beech, and oak. The snags may be classified by their age by determining what they used to be: if they were locust, white oak, or fir, they are the older ones; if they are furry oak or chap beech, they are younger. If you can't tell one dead tree from another, that's your problem. There used to be some really awesome trees around here, man. You woulda loved it.

There are living trees here and there, in between the ones that died of _totally natural causes_. The furry oak can be distinguished by it's round-lobed leaves, which are deep red all throughout the year (unless it's winter, in which case good luck). The leaves have about a quarter inch of fuzz on the underside, making this a good material for your bedding. The acorns, available in the fall, are the size of plums. The caps are fuzzy like the leaves, and the meat of the acorn is always sweet, even if eaten raw. Please do not stand under the trees at this time of year, as you are technically on the publishing house's property, and we're trying to make money, not lose it in a law-suit. The bark, in addition, is very similar to the white oak, where it is smooth at the base of the trunk, and very scaly toward the top. The difference in the barks is that the furry oak bark can be cooked to make it edible, which should make it easier for you to distinguish between a furry oak and a white oak. Please do not do this on our property.

The chap beech trees tend to grow in copses. The bark is white, like most beech trees, but this one will glow in the dark (we do not recommend staying out late enough to see this for yourself; we'll talk about why in the “Fauna” section). The leaves grow close together, and are almost paper-like in texture. If a breeze were to stir the leaves, you would hear a hissing noise. In midsummer, the beechnuts tumble down from the trees (please do not stand under these trees in the summer). They have spikey seedpods, and the spikes contain a neurotoxin. However, the seeds themselves are otherwise yummy and nutritious (if cooked correctly).

**Lesser Plants of Amon Lanc Region**

Once you descend from the peak of Amon Lanc, you will come to more heavily-forested areas. In these lower elevations you will find bog grass, an invasive species from the Anduin Vales (where it's an invasive species from the Undeeps). It is a very tough, sturdy fiber, and may look dead and dried up and hollow, but it is in fact a living thing. We have not removed this grass because it provides a much more solid foot-hold in the otherwise pitted terrain. You see, we have a lot of friends in the area, and they need to be able to get to the, erm, publishing house. Please be off the path and out of direct sight of the path by nightfall.

In the crags of rocks, it is possible to find a peculiar flower called Sarah-pokes-her-head. We don't know who Sarah was. This flower is immediately identifiable by the blossom's color and configuration: a purple sheath-petal (called a bract) around a bright red central stalk. The root is egg-shaped (technial term: corm), and _is_ edible: but you must not eat it immediately! If you eat it fresh from the ground, your mouth will prickle and burn like a mother.

Another curious flowering plant of this region is called the Deadly Milk-White Trumpet. It is most common in these parts: aren't you so lucky! This shrub will reach a height of about twelve feet in the Amon Lanc region, and all the parts give off the smell of one thousand corpses rotting in the sun if they are so much as bruised. The pale trumpet-shaped flowers “bloom” in the late summer (after you _didn't_ eat those beechnuts and before you _don't_ eat those furry oak acorns), and will give off the stench of one thousand corpses rotting in the sun anyway. If you are here during this time, please do not touch the pollen. Even if you don't apply it directly to your eyes, it will cause blindness. It can also cause nausea for at least one week, and madness after prolonged exposure. We would know.

The most common ground cover (other than the bog grass) is the Din Fuinen, also known as the Deathly Moss. This is a misnomer: the oils from the moss only induce severe amnesia. Do not lie down on it. If you see a mossy rock, just don't. We're not worried about a law-suit (because you won't remember where you are anyway), but we don't need any more family members coming around asking for their loved ones.

In Amon Lanc, there may be found two varieties of ivy. The first is of no importance, being common to many regions throughout all of Middle Earth. The second is particular to Amon Lanc, and Amon Lanc _only_. It is the Grasping Ivy. After the trees died of _totally natural causes_ this plant began to take over at an unprecedented rate. Its leaves grow in a palmate configuration (meaning that it grows about five leaves to a stem), and are each about twice the size of a person's hand. The underside of each leaf secretes a highly-corrosive chemical which breaks down the igneous (volcanic) rock in order to climb. The effect this chemical has on flesh is not unlike lye (it is also sticky). At night, the leaves furl tightly, creating the illusion of hands all along the vines. This allows the plant to break down and digest whatever creature ended up in its hold during the day.

**Fauna of the Amon Lanc Region**

Many birds take refuge in the snags throughout the year, although none are native to the region. There are also large wolves which roam the hillsides after dark. Since the Great Plague (which is one of the _totally natural causes_ of death of the forest), most of the other animals have fled the region. These days, thanks to the oldest daughter of Shelob, Amon Lanc is crawling with spiders called “Ennerlings.” Cute name, huh? They are small enough to fit in a human hand, are white with little red dimples on the underside, have a special neurotoxin which makes you bleed out through your lungs, and their webs are only visible in the moonlight. Don't worry: they don't attack without cause.

**On that note**

Have a good time in ~~Australia~~ Amon Lanc!

**Author's Note:**

> Grasping Ivy is mine.  
> Sources include:  
> [This guide](http://www.merp.com/downloads/merp/ice-merp-2nd-edition/realms/2019mirkwoodrealm2ndedocrbyelffriend.pdf) for the Furry Oak, Chap Beech, Deadly Milk-White Trumpet, Sarah-pokes-her-head, Din Fuinen, Bog Grass, and Ennerlings.  
> Wikipedia for some of the technical terms (snag, bract, corm)  
> [A UC Berkeley site](http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/glossary/gloss5/biome/forests.html) and [Blue Planet Biomes](http://www.blueplanetbiomes.org/deciduous_forest.htm) for constructing the ecosystem.
> 
> I would really love to hear back from the readers!


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